Columnist Muses on Purity Rings, 8-year Plan and Celebs
Graig Agop
Issue date: 10/15/08 Section: Column
And I need coffee! When students ask me what academic plan I'm on here at Glendale College, I tell them I'm on the IGETC, because I want to "get C" hell out of here. But don't get me wrong, I feel blessed to be at such a prestigious and pure campus as this.
However, I wasn't informed that the IGETC is a gateway drug to the dreaded eight-year plan which, unfortunately, seems to be the right plan for me. On the bright side, with experience comes wisdom - thirteen semesters of freaking wisdom. Wisdom I will now share with you! No, I insist - sit down and take notes!
If GCC was a brothel, math would be the biggest b*tch here. Is your math class not adding up? Well, I have found the secret to passing any math class at GCC: just take it twice and you're welcome!
Speaking of taking classes twice, anthropology is worse than math. Three times is the charm for this one.
As we reach mid-semester you should know that the chances of you failing your English class is actually the same percentage, statistically proven, that Michael Phelps has of breaking into Sea World and mating with Dolly the dolphin; a solid 50 percent. Someone should tell Phelps that there is no gold medal in dolphin sex, averting one disastrous scenario. As for English class, just keep in mind that if you slip up once you will end up on the streets, like Tori Spelling.
Thanks for playing with me though even though I'm sure your mother forced you. By the way, am I the only one who goes to church for celebrity sightings?
Next time we will talk politics! Also - please don't smoke on campus. It doesn't bother me, but it kind of makes you look like a cow. Bye! Stay pure!
However, I wasn't informed that the IGETC is a gateway drug to the dreaded eight-year plan which, unfortunately, seems to be the right plan for me. On the bright side, with experience comes wisdom - thirteen semesters of freaking wisdom. Wisdom I will now share with you! No, I insist - sit down and take notes!
If GCC was a brothel, math would be the biggest b*tch here. Is your math class not adding up? Well, I have found the secret to passing any math class at GCC: just take it twice and you're welcome!
Speaking of taking classes twice, anthropology is worse than math. Three times is the charm for this one.
As we reach mid-semester you should know that the chances of you failing your English class is actually the same percentage, statistically proven, that Michael Phelps has of breaking into Sea World and mating with Dolly the dolphin; a solid 50 percent. Someone should tell Phelps that there is no gold medal in dolphin sex, averting one disastrous scenario. As for English class, just keep in mind that if you slip up once you will end up on the streets, like Tori Spelling.
Thanks for playing with me though even though I'm sure your mother forced you. By the way, am I the only one who goes to church for celebrity sightings?
Next time we will talk politics! Also - please don't smoke on campus. It doesn't bother me, but it kind of makes you look like a cow. Bye! Stay pure!
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